The Miller Report is a weekly gaming journalism show presented by Simon Miller and broadcast on VideogamerTV that aims to expose the score and the truth about the games industry.
Piss Morning Edit
The Miller Report debuted on March 7 2015 as a segment on Videogamer's weekly show Piss Morning, with Miller tackling the issue of length in games following the release of The Order: 1886. Although Piss Morning ran for only two weeks, the demand from the public for gaming truths was so great that The Miller Report became its own weekly show on April 21 and took the games world by storm.
Finding The TruthEdit
In the expanded show Miller was able to take to the streets to deal out hard truth bombs as well as interview real game developers such as Roll 7, who he took to task over the nonsense of the indie gaming scene.
His biggest splash so far in his career came with his investigation into the shocking world of Unicorn sex infecting the gaming world in May, which saw him taking on Professional Jabroni Rufus Hound in order to fight for decency. However his bravery here was to be his downfall, as Deputy Editor Steve Burns subsequently fired him for what he saw as unacceptable behaviour, replacing him with Brett McGleish.
With nowhere else to go Miller was forced out onto the streets where he attempted to take up a career in music journalism, however he mistakenly found himself covering video games once again as he found himself at a Rock Band 4 press event. After busking for a week and losing 3 E strings, Miller realised that the best way to get his job back was to take the major publishers to task for not fulfilling their promises from E3 2014. Riding high on his success, he stormed VG Towers, took out Brett with a steel chair and went after Burns, who managed to escape using his helicopter. After covering the idiocy that was E3 2015 with Yir Auld Da (John McGleish), he managed to convince Burns to give him his job back, although the relationship between the two would be fraught with tension from this point on.
Miller's return to Videogamer brought with it a series of triumphs, such as the Batman: Arkham Knight reviewsical, a look at upcoming Nintendo games accompanied by a journalist from The Guardian and successful interviews with Charles Cecil and Aaliyah. Miller did not shy away from conflict in the name of superior games coverage during this period, notably in a confrontation with Neil 'Groin-Puncher' Gorton that left both men seriously chuffed off and Miller's trusty cameraman Jim punched in the groin so hard that he quit in a fit of anger. Miller's search for a new cameraman brought him into conflict with Jimquisition host Jim Sterling, however it was resolved when Jim was found to have somehow wandered into Cologne after a night on the piss, meaning he could rendezvous with Miller at Gamescom 2015.
The Journalism Wars and Videogamer Sans Frontieres Edit
However Miller was not happy about being going to Gamescom, as Burns was attempting to stop him from producing any Miller Reports when in Cologne and tasked him with looking after the 'Two Idiots', David Scammell and Brett. This confrontation ended in a scuffle breaking out between Miller and Dave, however when Burns tried to slip out of the Videogamer office he was met by the CEO Tom Orry, who blasted him with a shotgun and seemingly killed him, although a later episode showed a flashback in which his trademark sunglasses were taken off his corpse by a figure identical to Burns, leading us to assume that the one Tom killed was a decoy. Tom and Dave were then able to overpower Miller with the help of James Orry, but when all seemed lost for Miller Tam McGleish burst into the room and took out his assailants, allowing Miller to escape to Gamescom and continue his reporting.
Whilst in Cologne, Miller met with Jim and reported from the show floor about the lack of Gears of War, handed out awards, assaulted the developer of I am Bread and cut in line to expose convention-goers for the weaklings that they are. However the pivotal event was his judging of a Pocket Gamer and Appspy indie game showcase which resulted in him being thrown out for rudeness and Appspy releasing an official statement calling him out for his behaviour. This enraged Miller so much that he decided to take on games journalism as a whole in a crusade across Gamescom that saw him attack Gav Murphy of IGN (Also known as 'Iggun') as well as striking blows against Gamespot, Eurogamer, Outside Xbox and more. This was to be the spark that lit the fires of the 'Journalism Wars', which would end up being principally fought between Gamespot and IGN over Central London.
Having succeeded in taking on the world of games journalism in Germany, Miller returned to the Videogamer offices in London where he was greeted by the no longer dead Steve Burns, who approved of Miller's opening salvo in the war. VG Towers were completely abandoned in the aftermath of the dramatic events of Gamescom, with the rest of the staff missing presumed dead, meaning that Burns, Miller and Jim had the run of the place. As the Journalism Wars rumbled on in the background, Miller's next project was to try and get himself into Gears of War: Ultimate Edition, however he failed to convince Splash Damage to listen to him.
In the aftermath of this disappointment Miller had to undergo his annual staff appraisal with Burns in which he was highly criticised for his actions across the series. After realising firing him again wouldn't work, Burns pulled a gun on Miller and chased him around the office, however Miller was able to disarm him and win the day, with Burns revealing that this was all part of his appraisal of Miller.
Burns later revealed that a new threat was endangering Videogamer, namely that the staff who had disappeared from the office had formed a rival faction, Videogamer Sans Frontieres, led by former CEO Tom Orry, and were planning to attack VG Towers. This resulted in a fierce firefight in the office as Miller was able to push back the VSF attack squad of Tom, Dave and Brett, although they would survive. At this point Jim proposed an alliance with IGN in order to get on the winning side of the wider Journalism Wars raging across London, but Miller and Burns refused and instead took out Gav Murphy's fighter jet. Realising that in order to beat VSF they would have to win the Content Wars, Jim organised a successful interview between Miller and Charles Martinet. Miller then received a call from Groin-Puncher Gorton which he believed was an invitation to a street fight, however in reality it was to play Street Fighter 5 for Videogamer. Nonetheless, Miller managed to get Gorton so riled up that he did in fact punch Miller's groin into dust.
In order to try and end the conflict once and for all, Burns sent Miller on a mission to destroy VSF at their hideout in the Croydon Subway before they could carry out a raid on VG Towers. However on the way he was distracted by Codec calls from multiple people, notably Jim telling him that Burns had chloroformed him and chained him to a radiator and Jim Sterling, who was hired by VSF to distract Miller whilst they drone striked VG Towers, seemingly burying Miller in rubble. Burns was able to save him however and drove them to VSF headquarters in order to steal the supposed super weapon that VSF had been building. On arrival, they found that it was merely a Rock Band 4 controller and were subsequently captured and interrogated by Tom. Tom declared that he was ending the Journalism Wars and taking his company back, before sending them to the Games Media Awards as their final task before he killed them.
The GMA's represented an end to the war as the games journalism world came together in peace and was a triumphant night for Miller as he won the Journalist's Journalist and Best Video Team awards, giving impassioned speeches about why he deserved the win and why all other games journalist's were chuffsters and nimrods. The return to VG Towers saw a tense final confrontation between Miller and Tom as their gun battle took them to the roof, where Burns shockingly betrayed Miller by striking him over the head with his own GMA and revealing that he had been in cahoots with Tom the entire time, before kicking Miller off the roof to his apparent death. Elsewhere, James Orry was just about to kill Jim before being knocked out by Tam McGleish coming out of nowhere, helping him to escape.
The Miller Report (Deceased)Edit
After killing Miller, Burns took control of VideoGamer and celebrated his victory with Yir Auld Da, Tom Orry, Dave and even the Teddy Bears, Pishy and Diddy. After his employees expressed some concerns of Burns’ content strategy for VideoGamer, Burns decided to sign on two highly successful and well-known YouTubers, Jimminy Jim Jim and Millbob (who would later be joined by Scammell Jammell).
Despite the views and financial success' these new YouTubers brought VideoGamer, Burns soon found himself getting increasingly frustrated by their childlike nature, going so far as to threaten their lives; restrict them to the Xbox 360 version of Black Ops 3; and reveal that he preferred (the then presumed dead) Miller to the up-and-coming YouTube star, Millbob.
But workplace drama was only the beginning of Burns’ problems, as Tam McGleish had his suspicions about Miller’s death. Due to their shared history, he chose to confront Burns, and warned him that he would “nail [Burns] to the fuckin’ wall, and there’s nothing yer can do about it.”
Burns started to lose control. He began to see traitors everywhere (as well as hallucinations of Pishy). His paranoia was not helped by a mysterious figure, who kept turning off the lights in the VideoGamer office, and assaulted Millbob. Dave, terrified, ran out of the office convinced that MIller had returned; prompting Burns to fly into a rage and accidently admit his guilt to an eavesdropping Tam McGleish.
In an interview with Brian Cranst (who was presumably using this story as inspiration for an up-coming indie game) Tam McGleish stated (more or less) that he expected to catch Burns soon. Burns, who was busy shouting at Tom Orry for his choice of monitor, was angry to learn this, but remained confident that this would not be what brings him down, despite being unable to get his beard trimmed.
Burns continued to lose patience with Millbob, and after he caught him having a lightsabre fight with Jimminy Jim Jim, the pressure of the last few weeks finally got to him... and he snapped. Burns threw Millbob around the office and punched him in the face, repeatedly. It looked to be the end of Millbob when the lights went off. When they came back on, a masked man was standing behind Burns. He wore a luchador mask, a Miller Report tee and he spoke the famous words: “If you don’t know El Scoro, you don’t know El Trutho.”
Miller had survived.
Hurricanrana Off The Top Rope
Miller ferociously attacked Burns in order to settle the score, letting him know that he planned to unleash a 'Hurricanrana off the top rope' onto him, a prospect which spelt certain doom for Burns. Before he was able to do this however he was interrupted by Tam, who informed Miller that the VG pool table was not high enough to unleash a Hurricanrana off the top rope and proceeded to try to get to the bottom of the mystery of Miller's reappearance.
Miller told Tam and Burns that he survived by landing in a skip behind a Chipotle which happened to have a Luchador mask in it, as well as taking a small and powerful Ibuprofen. In his dazed, cold and confused state he came to a sudden realisation - He was a Mexican Luchador. Craftily, Burns was able to bribe McGleish in order to get off of the attempted murder charge he was facing, although Miller warned him that a Hurricanrana was still looming.
Miller returned to his old role of reporting the truths about gaming, but found that the gaming journalism landscape had changed beyond all recognition in the aftermath of the Journalism Wars with the rise of Youtubers such as Millbob. Miller tried to hit the streets in order to reveal the truth about Just Cause 3 and the Final Fantasy VII, but he found that Millbob and Jimminy were racking in far higher numbers with their vapid and empty YouTube nonsense.
During a heated confrontation between Burns and Miller over the popularity of his content following his failure to rack up interest on the streets, Yir Auld Da revealed the reason he had been hanging around VG Towers ever since the end of the war - He had in fact bought a majority stake of the company and was effectively the new big boss of Videogamer, outranking Burns and even Tom. He'd stayed quiet for a few weeks in order to analyse how the company functioned on a day to day basis and was not impressed, leading to him organising interviews with every major member of staff to ascertain what exactly they did and how he could rebuild the site.
During the interviews, Yir Auld Da found himself exasperated with nearly everyone due to them either being 'useless' or 'cunts', bemoaning Tom for his poor hiring practices and only really seeming happy with Millbob due to the money he brought into the company despite being paid 'literally peanuts', also rejecting an investment opportunity with Brian Cranst. At the end of the interviews he discovered that Alice, his daughter whom he had completely forgotten existed, was actually working at the company as well, who reacted with justifiable anger after realising her Auld Da had no idea who she was, blaming this sort of behaviour for why he had separated from Helen. The two of them resolved to try and improve their relationship as well as the company.
Future Instalments Edit
- Luchadores in Space
- Jim Sterling and Simon Miller final showdown
- Pishy takes Manhattan
- Miller Hurricanranas E3
- Steve Burns games journalist genocide special
- Simon Miller's Protein Power Hour